No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 7

Day 7  -  Successful

I can’t believe I actually made it seven days! Today is Friday, so I know from past experience that the weekend will be difficult.  But for some reason, I feel this is different than my usual calorie counting past. I did it last weekend, so I think I can continue this one.  Why does this feel different?  Is it the sugar addiction?  Could that possibly be a real thing?

This morning, hungry as usual, my pants felt looser.  I feel like I am losing weight.  Is this just wishful thinking or could it possibly be true?  Losing weight in November?  That would be something.  I will weigh myself next week at the gym.

Tonight for dinner, we did happy hour so I had a couple glasses of wine and I did the best that I could.  I had some fries, a tomato mozzarella salad, some artisan bread and some pizza.  The pizza was a pear gorgonzola that was really good, but the pears tasted too sweet to be natural. Probably had some sugar.   I had a cappuccino afterward.  So I still feel like I did pretty well.  It is also the only time this week I have gone out to dinner.

This experiment is having some unexpected results.  For one thing, I am finally writing every day.  I need to do this more and more.  For another, I have finally broken Peter of the habit of bringing me sweets as a treat.  I have been telling him for years that I don’t like getting candy as a “goody”, but he continues to do so, thinking that I am complaining but not really truthful.   Then I eat it because I would feel too guilty throwing it away and thus starts the self-loathing cycle.  He is respecting this and even came home with whole wheat bread this week since he wanted to give me something. 

No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 6

Day 6

Successful.   It’s getting easier, but I still feel hungry all the time.  I always have felt hungry all the time, but now I just can’t satisfy it as easily.  I am a carb lover and that’s what I want.  So I am eating dried fruit which doesn’t really give me the same feeling – no fat perhaps, or tortilla chips, or trail mix. 

I do feel better about not eating sugar.  I’m not as tempted any more.  I’m doing a pretty good job of not eating after dinner.  Maybe I will lose a little weight.

I don’t have the moodiness because I am eating too much at night and then regretting it in the morning. 

So, things are going well.

No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 5

Day 5

Successful.  Tonight I went to Sprouts after yoga and just looked around and bought some bread and dried fruit.  I bought jumbo golden raisins, dried cherries, some trail mix, some dates and replenished my supply of apricots.  I’m actually finding this to be kind of an eating adventure. It’s more of a challenge than it is a burden, even at this point.  We’ll see how I feel in 20 days or so.  Right now,  I feel like I could make it to the end of the month and I am discovering where my problems lie.  I am also eating enough so that I am not tempted by the vending machines.

No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 4

Day 4

Successful, however this experiment does have a new data point.  One reason I started this was to see if I was a “sugar addict” (if such a thing really exists) and if quitting sugar would help my emotions.   After today, I have to say that it has no effect on my moods.  Today, I was sad to very sad most o the day with some periods of uncontrolled crying and very negative thoughts about myself.

The positive part was that I didn’t binge.  My inclination is to binge on sweets until I rid myself of some of these emotions. Of course, instead I hate myself more for eating so much and feeling sick.  I also felt like drinking, but that is something that I am just not in the habit of doing.

No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 3

I was successful again today.  I woke up and swam this morning.  It was easier to get up, but that could be due more to going off of daylight savings time than my eating changes.  For the past few years, I have eaten a 100-calorie granola bar before exercising in the morning to give myself some energy.  Today the granola bar was out, so I ate dried apricots instead.  They didn’t quite satisfy like the granola bar did.  And that’s the toughest part.  I like to - am used to - snacking on foods like granola, cereal, crackers, etc. and since they all seem to have sugar, I am going to have to change my habits. 

One thing that I did notice is that my morning mood was better than normal. Usually, my mornings are the roughest, most depressing part of the day for me.  In hindsight, this is obvious.  Since I didn’t binge on sugar in the evening, I didn’t wake up with a sugar hangover and have to dig myself out of that self-loathing.  I just didn’t see it when I was doing it.  I was trying to wake up with a new day and new outlook and it just wasn’t happening.

I’ve had a low grade headache all day.  Not enough to do anything about, but enough to notice.  Could I be having withdrawal symptoms or is this another effect of daylight savings time.

For lunch today, instead of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I had a (natural) peanut butter and  banana sandwich.  I also perused the vending machine.  I think I could eat the sunflower seeds if I needed to.

No sugar 30-day challenge: Day 2

I successfully got through another day not eating sugar. 

I woke in the middle of last night with a near-migraine.  It was fine after a few advil and hours of sleep.  Was it because of the no-sugar or due to something else? 

The morning was a little iffy.  I needed something to eat on my run.  Normally, I will have a peanut butter and jelly or gels, blocks or beans.  All contained sugar.  I didn’t have natural peanut butter yet.  So I baked a potato at home and seasoned it with butter and salt and pepper.  It was actually a surprisingly good snack while running.  I also ate some pecans afterward.

The rest of the day was relatively easy eating.  Leftover soup and cornbread for lunch and nachos for dinner.  One thing that I noticed today is that I didn’t get the extreme hunger that I usually get.  Again, I don’t know if that is just today or due to not eating sugar.

I went to the store. What a nightmare.  I was reading every single label.  It was amazing the items that had sugar (for example, diced Italian tomatoes and seasoned black beans) and those that didn’t (tomato sauce and plain black beans).  I could not find a wheat bread without sugar. I looked at all the tortillas to find one without sugar.  Many of the tortillas had lists of ingredients a mile long.  Shouldn’t that be pretty simple?

Are my moods better? It’s hard to say yet.   I cleaned the whole house and didn’t get the rage I usually feel when I am the only one that seems to do chores around the house.  I was still very tired and disappointed.

No sugar 30-day challenge - Day 1

I am starting a 30-day challenge.  No sugar.  I should say no added sugar. 

Why am I trying this?  The first reason is that I have been binging with no fix.  And what do I binge on?  Sweets.  I know I am not tasting them going in, but I get full and bloated afterward and I hate myself.  Loath myself for yet again doing what I shouldn’t be doing.  Is this how an alcoholic feels the day  after?  Is sugar addiction real?  Am I taking the family history of alcoholism and just turning it to sugar?  I’m pretty sure that I have mild depression, some days are better than others.  Is sugar contributing to this? The binging is, but there is a lot of sugar everywhere.  What if I stopped eating it?  Would some of my mood swings diminish?  Would I finally lose some weight?

There are other reasons as well.  There is some anecdotal evidence that Alzheimer’s may be a form of diabetes.  Our culture is fed hundreds of pounds of sugar each year in all kinds of foods that we eat. The incidence of diabetes is increasing.  I want off that roller coaster.  Away from the corporate foods.  I want to age with all of my wits.  I want to be like Jack Lalane who didn’t eat sugar and died at 96 still in fabulous shape.

Okay, now for the rules and guidelines for this challenge.  I’ve met people that claim not to eat white sugar but substitute brown sugar, honey, maple syrup, agave nectar, etc.  Those are all simple carbohydrates and all are seen by the body as the same thing.  So, for me, those are out as well. Also, I don’t want to use sugar substitutes to make my body think I am eating or drinking the real stuff.  I won’t buy “sugar-free” products because that is just replacing the sugar with a substitute. I do occasionally like the sugar substitutes in my drinks.  I will continue to do that in moderation since that is what I do now. However substitutes of fruit juices are fine.

I will continue to drink.  I don’t drink much, but I will stay away from my beloved margaritas and stick with beer and wine and the 1-2 servings I consume a week.

On my first day, I had a little bit of a hard time.  I am going to have to replace my processed peanut butter with natural.  I will have to find a substitute for jelly on my sandwiches.  I love craisins, but those are sweetened before drying so those are out, but there are a number of good dried fruit alternatives.  I ate dry roasted peanuts and discovered that they are coated with maltodextrin  which is a form of sugar.  Raw peanuts now.  Fritos and saltines have no sugar, but some pretzels  do. Most bread products do as well.  French bread doesn’t.  I will try to find a wheat bread without sugar.  Also, flour tortillas do too.

What this comes down to is that I am going to have to cook more to be sure of what I am eating.  I will probably ramp up the amount of dried fruit and nuts that I eat since that is a simple way to get satisfying snacks.   Thirty days is going to be tough, especially in November when Thanksgiving occurs.  I am going to have to find workarounds for my favorites: pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and sweet potato casserole.

My Morning Commute

I was driving to work this morning, on the freeway driving into the rising sun, thinking of the day in front of me. Ahead was a car like mine; boxy, practical and lived-in. The car hit a bump or pothole in the road and something on the top of the car moved, catching my attention. I got into the passing lane to go around, but I kept trying to figure out what was on top of the car. It looked like a cubical plastic container, the kind used to store food in the refrigerator. What had caught my eye was that it had moved and was now sort of wedged under one of the poles of the roof rack. 

I approached the car in the passing lane. I was right - it was a container with something that looked like a thick liquid in it. I passed the car and looked at the driver. She looked back at me. I tried to signal to her that something was on her car, but how do you do that? I pointed to my roof, but I am sure she had no idea why I was doing that. Maybe she even thought I was flipping her off. She looked like me, or at least how I imagine myself to look. A fortyish woman looking a little haggard in the morning with too much on her mind.

Had she put the container on the top of the car while she put other things in and forgot it? If not, how had it gotten there? What was in it? Smoothie? Spaghetti sauce? Soup? Chili? Was it one of her meals for the day or was she taking it to someone else? Maybe it wasn't even food. It was intact when I passed her, but would it still be there when she reached her destination? If not, would it fly off her car and hit another, spreading its contents over their windshield? That would be unexpected on the highway.

I will never know how this story ends.

Happy 14th Wedding Anniversary

You're still trapped.

I didn't want to go out to eat.

I didn't want to eat Mexican food.

I didn't want to eat at the Mexican restaurant you selected.

I don't want to be married.

Wild West Relay - August 3, 4, 2012

Wild West Relay “Get your Ass over the Pass”

August 3-4, 2012

200 miles – 12 people – 36 legs of the race.

Friday, August 4^th.  My alarm went off at 3:45 so I could leave the house by 4:15 and get to Kay’s house by 5am.  Is this really what I took a vacation day to do? I was at my car by 4:15, but had to make a quick run back to the house to get my coffee to drink on the way to Longmont.   I arrived just in time to Kay’s house.  I was not the first to arrive and it was already bustling with people and vans.  Anne, Bob, Hope, Josh, John, Greg and Kay were putting stuff into vans .  Peter was late, but arrived as people were trying to call him.  He had walked from his nearby house.  We all got into the two big white vans and started driving to Fort Collins.  While we were still driving through Longmont, Hope got a call.  We had forgotten Kay.  Bob, driving our van, turned around and went back for her.  Not an auspicious start.  In Fort Collins, at the Budweiser plant, we met up with Dan, Jason and Barb. 

I knew almost all of the twelve person team.  Barb is a friend of Dan and Josh.  I had heard stories about her, but never met.  She currently lives in San Diego.  I had never met Kay before.  She is a high-school math teacher in Longmont.  Her partner is Jeff (not on the team) who I knew from Printing Systems.  He and Josh used to hit the bars in Boulder years ago together.  He met us in Steamboat after the race. I used to go to spin class at the IBM gym with Anne.  I worked with Bob at Printing Systems as well.  He did 24 Hours of Moab with me a few years ago.   His wife Debbie is a great cheerleader.  Dan and Josh had both been my bosses at Printing Systems.  I met Greg through Dan at 24 Hours of Moab. I met Jason at a snowshoe day organized by Dan a few years ago.  Hope is Josh’s wife and rides on the Outdoor Divas Team with me.  John worked at Printing Systems.  Peter works at Oracle, but I hadn’t seen him there since I started.  We had met once on a trail run.

Everyone but me had experience with this race.  When we parked, they immediately started moving stuff and decorating the vans.  I just kind of stood around and helped as I could. 

We had two big 15 person white rental vans.  The rear seats had been taken out to put our stuff  and coolers into the back.  I was in van #1 with Bob, Jason, Peter, Josh and Hope.  I was runner #4 which meant that I ran legs 4, 16, and 28.  Van #2 with runners  7-12 had Dan, Anne, Barb, Kay, Greg and John.  John had somehow gotten some pink Saran wrap and had wrapped their van with it.  There hadn’t been enough time to wrap our van with it.  They did have magnets and inflatable monkeys to attach to our vans, since our team name was Monkey Love.  I don’t know where the name came from, but that is what they have been using for a few years.

Our race started at 7:20am.  The race organizers seeded the race so that the slowest teams started first and the fastest later so that the finish would be more compact.  Hope was our first runner, leaving from under the official banner and running out of the plant and onto dirt roads around Fort Collins.  At this point, I still didn’t really understand how the race worked.  After her leg, Hope showed me the race book that Bob had put together (he said that it was nice sometimes to work for a printer company).  The book showed each leg, its distance and description of the route and a difficulty rating.  My first leg (#4) was an easy 5.4 miles with one turn. 

I started my leg around 9:30am Friday morning. It was already turning into a hot day.  My route was labeled as “easy” and it was just a straight dirt farm road.  I felt awful and it was all mental.  I was wondering what I had gotten myself into.  How had this fat girl who has been doing so little running gotten into this mess?  I hadn’t checked the distances beforehand and suddenly 5.4 miles seemed pretty long.  And I had two more legs to complete.   The race did not allow headphones so I was alone on the hot , dusty road with these thoughts swirling around my head.  I was almost crying from frustration.  I never really got into a running groove.  I was so glad when that leg was over.  I looked up my next leg.  It was 7.8 miles and labeled as “hard”.  The elevation was also in the 8000’s.  Great, how was I going to do that?

Our van’s #5 and #6 runners finished and we could take a break.  We filled up the van with gas, ate at a small place called the Pot Belly in Red Feather Lakes and tried to relax a little before our next legs began.  We had to move into the shade because the sunshine was so hot.  We started our next set of legs.  Hope was first again.  She got lost, taking a right turn when she shouldn’t and then arguing with a van that told her she was going to wrong way.  Josh was getting worried in our van when we couldn’t find her. Finally a van picked her up, texted Josh a ransom demand and returned her to where she had made her mistake.  She had a tough run.  There was a lot of uphill made harder by getting lost.

My next leg was coming up.  I didn’t know if I could do it.  I had had a dehydration headache since my morning run and it wasn’t getting any better.   One thing I realized during my first leg was that I had become scared of running.  Ever since I got hurt in the spring, I was always afraid when I started a run.  Afraid that my knees or glute would hurt, or that I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Now I needed a plan for my second leg.  Giving up was not an option.  I decided that I would go out slower than I thought I needed to go and just get through the miles.  I would just listen to my GPS watch and count down the miles.  I started around 8:30pm, right after a beautiful sunset.  Slow and steady was my mantra. I was wearing a reflector vest, a headlamp, a red flashing tail light, and holding a flashlight. All but the flashlight was mandatory. The night had turned a little cool so I was wearing my jacket.  Another long dirt road.  In the darkness, all I could see was as far as my flashlights.  I just kept jogging, listening and counting down the miles and repeating my mantra and being kind to myself.  And I found it.   I found the pleasure in running again.  I found the feeling that I was whole again.  I was engulfed by a feeling that I was where I was supposed to be.  I could breathe again. I finished right around 10pm. 

About midnight we arrived at the van exchange in Wood’s Landing.  Who knew we had crossed out of Colorado into Wyoming?  At that point, I was just in the van asleep in my sleeping bag. From there we drove back into Colorado and into Walden High School where we could take a shower and sleep a few hours.   I was so tired that I just slept.  We didn’t know when the other van would finish so we got up and started getting ready about 4am.  I went into the school, washed off, brushed my teeth and got some coffee.  Hope started us off around 6am.  My leg was 2.6 miles.  Again, mostly flat.  It was a little hard, but I finished in 26 minutes.  I ran along the same highway that I biked on the Bike Tour of Colorado. My running was back.  I was back. We waited for our final two runners and drove to Steamboat Springs for lunch at Freshies while waiting for the rest to finish.  We drove to the middle school, cleaned up the van and waited.  Dan was the last runner and we all crossed the finish line together.   Total time: around 32 hours.

We finally went to the condo.  By this time, I had been a couple of days without a shower and I had run three times.  We all got cleans up and went for drinks at the Rio followed by dinner at Carl’s.  Carl’s was a steak (and bacon) place, but had a very good and different veggie plate, including roasted artichoke with lots of garlic and oil, quinoa, and hummus. Dan and I ate fried brussel sprout leaves that were surprisingly tasty.  I split a bottle of wine with Anne and Peter. The summer Olympics were playing on a big screen TV over the table.  Back at the condo, we all fell asleep really quickly.

We woke up around seven and cleaned out the vans again and went to breakfast at Freshies.  Then we started for home.  Bob went home with his wife and Jason with his girlfriend, so it was just Josh, Peter, Hope and me in the van on the way back.  We came home from Steamboat Springs via Laramie where we stopped for ice cream. On the way back, we stopped at the Budweiser plant to drop off the northern team members. Then drove to Bob’s house in Longmont to drop off coolers and his stuff. Finally we drove to Kay’s house where cars were parked.

I drove home to my very loving cat.

Santa Fe Century Bike Ride

Santa Fe Century Bike Ride

Date: 05/20/2012
Race: Santa Fe Century
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico
Course: 100 mile loop outside Santa Fe
Weather: Absolutely perfect! 50s at the start, mid-70s by finish and clear blue sky
Teammates participating: Chris Cadwell, Me.  I know there were other Divas there, but I didn’t run into them.
Goals: Do a century after only getting up to 40 miles in the weeks beforehand with minimal pain.

I have wanted to do this ride for years, but it is such an early season ride that I never seem to get the mileage in ahead of time. This time, I just registered anyway and took my chances. I am doing the Bike Tour of Colorado next month and I needed to get a century in. I won’t find the time to do it on my own.   

The first aid station was 20 miles in.  It takes me a little while to warm up on rides like this, so I wasn’t really worried that I felt kind of sluggish at first.  After stripping off gloves, jacket and arm warmers, the ride went through the cute little town of Madrid (which I heard someone pronounce “mad-rid”) where part of the movie Wild Hogs (ok, not a very good movie) was filmed.  The next section to the second aid station was a lot of rollers and side winds.  I was hoping that the gusty side winds were not going to be something we would have all day. 

The ride profile showed a pretty flat course, but I kept hearing people talk about Heartbreak Hill.  One guy in the group I went with had done this ride many times.  When I asked him to describe Heartbreak Hill, he said it was like Olde Stage, but about 3 times longer.  Another woman told me to ride in the middle of the road because people on the right will just stop, get off their bikes and start walking. Heartbreak Hill was just after the second aid station.  The description and the advice were right on target. I decided that my goal was just to get to the top without getting off the bike.  I did it, but near the top, I had to do some big s-curves to stay on.

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful.  There were plenty of aid stations. The weather did get warm, but not too bad.  There was wind, but it wasn’t too bad either.  It was good to get it done.  I felt pretty good the whole time and didn’t even have to take any Advil, so I made my goal.

One thing that I noticed was that there were NO police officers directing traffic on the course, even when we had to take a left to an on-ramp for I-25.  I am used to seeing them on Colorado rides.  Is it a law in Colorado to have law enforcement?

Earth Day 2012



The Merc in Jamestown Colorado

 Earth Day 2012

On Sunday, April 22, I met my friends Dan and Craig for a bike ride.  It would be our first ride together this cycling season.  Their friend Kevin also joined us. We met at 9am in Boulder and it was already warm, an unusual event in Colorado in April.  The sky was a beautiful blue color and the trees were starting to bud and the grass was turning green.

I have known Dan and Craig for more than ten years now.  They are best friends.  I met them through the spinning class at my gym at work.  After a few years, I started going on bike rides with them. We were all about the same ability. When I left the company and came back, they were still at the gym. Some days, the best part of my work day was seeing them at lunch in a class.

I had invited several other people on the bike ride, but no one else could make it.  I wasn't offended.  Sometimes people can make it and sometimes they can't.

Since it was a warm April day in Boulder, Colorado, the roads were filled with cyclists. We passed some and were passed by others.  Some acknowledged us and some ignored us.  We stopped for a bathroom break at a small park where a Jeep-owners group was meeting. Since shooting is banned on state and national land due to high fire danger, the shooting range we passed was quiet.

The ride up the Canyon was hard, but not too bad.  When we got to Jamestown, it was nice to be done with the climb, but I felt like I could have gone further.  Kevin decided not to stay and headed back down the canyon.  Craig, Dan and I got cups of coffee and sat out on the deck of the Merc chatting and watching the other cyclists come and go.  I bought a homemade bar made with peanut butter, various nuts, oats and dried fruit to share.  The sun was just warm enough to make you drowsy. In that moment, life was good and I was comfortable with friends who like the same things I did.  I took a deep breath and enjoyed the feeling.

NPR Three Minute Fiction

NPR Three Minute Fiction Contest:

For Round 8, we asked you to send us original fiction that begins with this sentence: "She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally decided to walk through the door."

It also had to be 600 words or less. Here is my submission:

She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally, decided to walk through the door.

Maggie’s marriage was over.  She had waited to tell Bob when he came home from work, but he hadn’t come home.  Again.   She had sat reading her book in the big old quiet house, after putting the little one to bed, waiting for him to come home.  Calmly, waiting to tell him she was leaving him as she listened to every car that passed by.

They had married late.  Both of them were almost 30 years old in 1937.  She came from a family with some money -- her father owned a successful business -- so she had dated some of the more privileged boys in town.  But it was the tall, dashing, charming Bob that swept her off her feet. He was fun, enthusiastic, educated and intellectually curious.  They spent many nights talking about the news, books, and their dreams for the future.  He tried to teach her chess, but they played bridge or cribbage instead. Although he had a college degree, she did too from a good women’s college, and he always respected and listened to her opinions and ideas. 

Maggie’s parents hadn’t liked him.  They thought he was a little wild for her.  He was not Midwestern.  He had grown up in the west and they characterized him as a cowboy even though he always dressed in the best suits he could afford, and didn’t even own a cowboy hat, boots or bolo tie. His engineering degree was from a western state university so it did little to impress them.  Since he wasn’t Catholic, Maggie and Bob had had to get married at her parent’s home instead of a church.  However, he held a well-paying engineering position with a big company and could support their daughter.  Maggie knew that Bob was the man for her.  She had dated many men and not one of them had made her feel the way Bob had.  Her stomach leapt when she saw him and her blue eyes sparkled .

They married and moved to another Midwestern town for his job.  They had a beautiful baby girl together in the year after the wedding.  Pearl Harbor started the war.  Bob was able to get a deferment as head of household, so he stayed stateside.  That’s when the drinking started to get worse.  He would go out for drinks at work, at lunch, for dinner, coming home later and later.  They talked about it.  They fought about it. When they went to parties, he consistently drank too much, did something embarrassing, and she drove them home in silence. The next day he would be remorseful and attentive to Maggie and to their darling, dark-haired little girl.

Finally, Maggie had had enough.  After a disastrous dinner party, she had given him an ultimatum.  Stop drinking or she would leave and take their daughter. Bob knew she would do it. He swore he would stop drinking for her.  And he did. Their marriage got better.  He was home for dinner most nights.   He played games with his daughter, teaching her the alphabet and her numbers and reading books before bedtime.

The drinking began again after six weeks.  Bob thought he was hiding it from Maggie.  She packed suitcases and put them in the car.  She had saved enough gas rations to get to her parent’s house.  She picked up her sleeping little girl, bundled her in blankets, and put her in the car.  She left a note and locked the door. 

Her marriage had lasted four years.

Women at home and in the military

13 February 2012

There is nothing comparable to the endurance of a woman. In military life she would tire out an army of men, either in camp or on the march.
- Mark Twain's Autobiography

The news reported this week that women would be allow to serve in combat positions, closer to the front line, although still restricted from certain duties.  Due to the nature of modern warfare, this has been happening for a long time and all this really was a match of the policy with the reality.

Of course what followed was politicians again stating that unit cohesion would be interrupted with women.  That women lack the strength and endurance to keep up with their male counterparts.  Even Rick Santorum was quoted saying:

“When you have men and women together in combat, I think there’s — men have emotions when you see a woman in harm’s way. I think it’s something that’s natural, that’s very much in our culture to be protective, and that was my concern,”

Really, men are still that chivalrous?  I don’t think so.  I think they can ignore a woman whenever they want to, especially when there is work to do.  

I am a working woman, an engineer who works at the same corporation with my husband with the same job title.  The difference between us is that I do the housework and he doesn’t. He would say that he does some, but probably would admit that I do more than him.  I also train for marathons, triathlons and endurance bike rides. Sometimes he runs a mile or jumps rope for a few minutes. This past weekend was a typical example of our life together.  On Saturday morning, I was up early, got a load of laundry in, piled the recyclables in the car and went to meet a friend for a run. Before I left the house, my husband told me that he and our son were going skiing.  It was 11 degrees outside and my friend and I completed 13 miles in two hours and 15 minutes. Even though I was wearing a hat, the sweat in my hair froze into icicles.  After running, I dropped the recyclables off and returned home.  My husband and son were home having decided against skiing and hunkered down in front of re-runs of “Heroes” that they have been watching on Netflix.  No housework had been done.  After running for more than two hours, I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly including the floors and the inside of the microwave.  Cleaned two bathrooms and one bathtub.  Changed the sheets on two beds.  If I point out that they don’t clean the bathrooms or change the sheets, they point to the time they did it a couple of years ago. My husband and son ignored what I was doing.  Ignored that I was limping around the house because I had exacerbated a sore knee while running.  My husband said that he would do the vacuuming “later”.  After he got up from his nap, he told me that he needed to sleep after the stressful week that he had had.

On Sunday we were having someone over, so I did the vacuuming in the morning because my husband didn’t wake up before our guest came and later never came the day before. I went out for a shorter run because I had to plan the meals for the week and go out for groceries. More household tasks that my husband doesn’t help with.  Our house is in the foothills located up 40 steps from the garage.  For some reason, my husband rarely seems to be home or available to help get the groceries to the house or put them away.

Yes, Mr. Santorum, there are emotions, but it’s not protection. My emotions are frustration and rage that two capable males cannot get up off their butts to help with routine household chores, ignoring a woman who so obviously needs help.  Letting me know they will do them “later”. We could be working as a team to get the job done quickly and lessen the work for everyone but instead they leave it to me to do.    Why wouldn’t you want that in your military?

Don't Stop Believing

The song, “Don’t Stop Believing”, by Journey hit the top ten in 1981. To the girl who was 15 years old, it was an anthem and a promise to the future.  She would get out of the small town and live a life of adventure and rolling the dice.  She was going somewhere and would be something.  She would take the midnight train going anywhere.

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

…

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

The song made a comeback thanks to the TV show Glee.  Today the girl is a 45-year-old wife, mother and professional.  Hearing the song again just makes her cry for the girl who is lost.  She doesn’t live a life of adventure.  She wouldn’t take a midnight train.  These days she is in bed by 9 so she can get a workout in before work.  The measurement of her life is in mortgages, paychecks and trips to the grocery store. She cooks healthy meals for a family who would rather eat burgers and fries. The only reason they sit down to her dinners are because they are too lazy to do anything else.  The dinner conversations are stilted, but mercifully short before everyone escapes to their part of the house. Her pleasure comes from cleaning the house and getting it to a point that she enjoys it.  She buys herself flowers.

She feels like her life is more described by the Talking Heads song released in 1984.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by/water flowing underground

Into the blue again/after the money’s gone

Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself

What is that beautiful house?

And you may ask yourself

Where does that highway go?

And you may ask yourself

Am I right? ...am I wrong?

And you may tell yourself

My god!...what have I done?

My god, what has she done? And how does she stop letting the days go by and letting the water hold her down?

Sometimes when she goes for a run or a bike ride she has a small feeling that these are her adventures. She wishes she could simply keep going and not have to return home to do laundry and get the grocery shopping done.

Training on the New Engine

Saturday

14 January 2012

It was a typical winter morning in Colorado.  Bright and crisp.  We had training on the new fire truck.  The truck that I get to be captain of. I will be responsible for.  I get to put stuff on. 

It was a good turnout.  About fourteen people, mostly men, but a few women.  I tried to take a lot of notes. 

At the station, we had breakfast followed by a talk by the Chief and the training officer.  The Chief announced that I would be the truck captain for the new $360,000 truck.  The plan for the day was to drive the truck and a tender (the water truck) down to the fill site and fill both engines and do various exercises. 

Since I am the truck captain, I was drove the truck to the fill site.  It is a big truck with two mirrors.  The small, lower mirror is just to see what is happening with the tires on each side.  I was instructed to watch carefully, especially on the right side to avoid going off the road and not run into some of the rock outcroppings. The front of the truck is impossible to see from the driver’s seat.  One cannot tell how far forward it goes.   I did pretty well, only hitting some tree limbs. I backed the truck into the fill site which was a snow covered pullout across the road from a pond.  Those that had gotten there first with the tender had set up a port-a-pond and was filling it from the fill site.  Using our truck, we attached the drafting lines and filled the truck.  The new truck has a monitor on top of the truck that must be attached each time otherwise the truck is too tall for the fire station.  The monitor will shoot a stream of water over the back of the truck up to 1000 GPM (gallons per minute).  Since the truck can only hold 1000 gallons, that would drain the truck in one minute.  There is a second monitor on the front of the truck which allows water to flow while driving.  We all got training on how to attach and use the monitor and change the flow rate down to 300 GPM.  We also used one of the permanently attached hose lines to test and spray water. Finally we connected to the tender and filled the truck from the tender.

After all these exercises, walking around in the snow, it was time to break down.  We disconnected the monitor on top and secured it. The hoseline we used has its own drawer to be stored in and we re-layed it in the drawer ready to be used again. 

The truck was stuck in the snow.  It operates in all-wheel drive, but can do four-wheel drive high and low.  I didn’t want to try to drive it out of the snow so I didn’t drive it back to the station.  But I was a passenger.  I helped back it into the station. 

We had an excellent lunch of cheese sandwiches and minestrone soup before cleaning up and heading home.

Sunday

15 January 2012

I went to the fire station alone today. I looked at the truck and played with various things. I made some lists and wrote up some questions.   It was good to get hands on the truck by myself with no one else there.

It had been tense at home. The fire station was quiet and a little cold and it felt soothing. It was a sanctuary. There was beer in the fridge that I wouldn’t drink, but maybe someday would replenish.  I feel so grateful to the Chief for giving me this job so that I have a place to go to when I want to get away from home.  I wonder if he saw that need.  He seems to be pretty perceptive about people.  Sometimes people don’t know how kind they are.

Do you want to be a fire truck captain?

Thursday

5 January 20112

The new fire station

During the Fourmile Fire, one of our firehouses and fire trucks burned down.  The firehouse has been rebuilt, although it still does not have a bathroom.  I think that has something to do with regulations and how the building is categorized.  The new fire truck was delivered a couple of months ago and we had our first orientation on it in early December.

At the Grand Opening of the Fire Station

At the orientation, I asked who would be truck captain.  The truck captain is responsible for the truck.  Also is the expert on the truck.  The Chief and the training officer said that no one had been selected yet and joked that since I asked the question it would fall to me.  I laughed, but didn’t think much more about it.

After Christmas, the Chief called and asked if I wanted to be the captain of the truck.  Although I am an engineer, I don’t consider myself a mechanical person.  I had to go buy an electric weed wacker because I didn’t know how to use the gas-powered one we have.  I think we own a chain saw, but I would not be comfortable using it.   Being asked to be responsible for a $350,000 fire truck scares me to death.  But it is something that I want to try to master.  It’s a challenge. 

Being responsible is more than just driving and maintaining. I am also going to have to know how to operate the lights.  How to get water pumping out of the truck.  How to fill the truck with water.  Inventory all the equipment and make sure it is ready to go at all times.  I’m sure there are things that I am forgetting here that I will need to do.

Yesterday, the Chief called and said that we needed to go to the truck. I agreed to go with him.

We drove to Front Range Apparatus outside of Longmont.  They currently have the truck and are putting all the goodies on it.  Such as the axe, the halligan, the pick axe, the drywall puller, the hose and hydrant adapters and the fire extinguishers.  There was a lot of discussion on where to put everything.  Bret is trying to have a place for everything.  No crates and bin.  I like the idea.  It will make inventory much easier.  It was interesting to see how they can attach things almost anywhere on the truck.  We couldn’t turn on the engine, but Bret gave me a long tutorial in the cab. 

The trip made me much more comfortable with the engine and I can’t wait to be able to get some tutorials to learn to drive and operate it.

Books read and listened to in 2012

Name	Author	Listened or read?	Comments
Faithful Place	Tana French	Listened	Fiction - Irish novel where everyone drinks and is miserable.
A Practicing Mind	Thomas M. Sterner	Listened - didn't finish	Non-fiction. I was looking for a book on mindfulness and how to use it. Instead this book was more about the brilliance of the author and really dreadful to listen to.
The Happiness Advantage	Shawn Achor	Listened	Non-fiction. Good book, nice examples and practical advice
Cutting for Stone	Abraham Verghese	Read	Fiction - took me a long time to read. I just couldn't get into it. Was it because I read it so slow?
The House at Riverton	Kate Morton	Listened	Fiction - Victorian England mixed with current date. Good long story but kind of predictable.
Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength	Roy F. Baumeister, John Tierney	Listened	Non-fiction - Research into willpower and self-control and how to work with it. Lots of interesting examples involving famous people
Doc: A Novel	Mary Doria Russell	Read	Fictionalization of the life of Doc Holliday. Interesting if only some of it is true
The Marriage Plot	Jeffrey Eugenides	Listened	Fiction - Three people at college and afterward. All flawed and looking ahead. Good writing, but not very interesting story.
People of the Book	Geraldine Brooks	Listened	Fiction - An ancient Jewish prayer book is found and the book traces how the book was created.
The Colour: A Novel	Rose Tremain	Read	Fiction – A couple in the 1800s travels to New Zealand to farm.
Rules of Civility	Amor Towles	Listened	Fiction – 1938 as experienced by a working class woman in New York City and the people she meets.
Unfamiliar Fishes	Sarah Vowell	Listened	Nonfiction – A history of Hawaii
Saving Fish from Drowning	Amy Tan	Read	Fiction - A group of tourists get kidnapped in Burma.
A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 1)	George R. R. Martin	Listened	Fiction - First in a series set in a mystical land.
Running with the Kenyans: Passion, Adventure, and the Secrets of the Fastest People on Earth	Adharanand Finn	Listened	Nonfiction - A 37-year-old man moves his family to Kenya so that he can train with Kenyan runners and try to figure out their secrets.
Come Home	Lisa Scottoline	Listened	Fiction - A woman's ex-husband conman dies and she starts investigating his death and life. Not very good.
Eventide	Kent Haruf	Read	Fiction - Various people in a small Colorado town and how their lives overlap. Good book
The Shoemaker's Wife	Adriana Trigiani	Listened	Fiction - Early part of the 20th century. Two immigrants from Italy to the US fall in love and get married. HATED IT! The characters were one dimensional and the love story was trite.
True Colors	Kristin Hannah	Read	Fiction – Three sisters who live in a small Washington town and the family ranch. It seemed like it could have been so much better, but many of the characters were very one-dimensional. Predictable story too.
Catching Fire	Suzanne Collins	Listened	Fiction - second book in the Hunger Games trilogy. Forgettable. I feel like I should read it, but it isn't very exciting
War Brides	Helen Bryan	Listened	Fiction - A group of different women come together in a small English town during World War II. Kind of Downton Abbey like.
She's Gone Country	Jane Procter	Read	Fiction - During divorce a woman moves with her three sons back to her hometown in Texas from Manhattan. Not worth the $5 I paid for it.
Wild	Cheryl Strayed	Listened	Nonfiction – A woman walks the Pacific Crest Trail. One of the best books I have read in a long time.
The Chaperone	Laura Moriarty	Listened	Fiction - An older (36) woman is hired to chaperone a 15-year-old Louise Brooks in New York City. The first part is good, but by the last part the years just go by too fast and there is not much conflict.
Grand Avenue	Joy Fielding	Read	Fiction - Four women who live on the same street in their young married life. It was a beach read and was perfect when I was reading it. Better than the other light books I have tried this year.
Cocktail Hour Under the Tree of Forgetfulness	Alexandra Fuller	Listened	Memoir - Author writes about her mother and growing up at the end of colonial Africa. Quirky and very British.
In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin	Erik Larson	Listened	Nonfiction - The American ambassador Dodd in Germany during the rise of Hitler and the Nazi party. Very dull and dry. Difficult to finish
Year of Wonders - A Novel of the Plague	Geraldine Brooks	Read	Fiction - Plague hits an English village in the 1600s. Good despite the subject.
In the Last Analysis	Amanda Cross	Read	Fiction - Copyright 1964. Very dated mystery novel involving a literature professor and a psychoanalysist. Really dumb solution to the mystery
Wives and Sisters	Natalie R. Collins	Read	Fiction - Beach read, very anti-Mormon about growing up in patriarchial religion. Couldn't put down.
Shantaram	Gregory David Roberts	Listened	Fiction - Man escapes prison in Australia and moves to Bombay. Very well written and very long.
Fast Women	Jennifer Crusie	Listened	Fiction - Light reading; detective novel. Interesting ideas about marriage and cheating.
A House in Fez: Building a Life in the Ancient Heart of Morocco	Suzanna Clarke	Read	Nonfiction - A couple buys a house in Morocco and renovates it while dealing with language, bureaucracy and cultural issues.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn	Betty Smith	Listened	Fiction - A girl grows up in Brooklyn in poverty at the beginning of the 20th century. Written in the 40s but very modern themes.
How to be a Woman	Caitlin Moran	Listened	Memoir – What it means to be a modern woman by a funny British woman.
A Wasp Among Eagles: A Woman Military Test Pilot in World War II	Ann Carl	Read	Nonfiction – A woman WASP and fighter jet tester memoir.
Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore	Robin Sloan	Listened	Fiction - A technical guy works in a bookstore with some unusual characters.
Running the Books: The Adventures of an Accidental Prison Librarian	Avi Steinburg	Listened	Nonfiction - A Harvard grad who makes money writing obituaries takes a job as a prison librarian.
Sweet Tooth	Ian McEwan	Listened	Fiction - Beautiful british woman gets a job with MI5 just after college in the 70s. I don't get Ian McEwan.  I've never read a book of his that I like.